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To Belong

by For Now

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1.
I've lost my voice I'm losing my voice again The light is brighter than my pupils can withstand I close my eyes And see that old yellow dress The one I wore when dreams were more like waking life To speak for you To do what you ask me to Until the dancer cannot dance Without looking in the mirror Oh I used to use my body As an implement of freedom I've lost my voice I'm losing my voice again I think I did it to myself I don't know when I spoke too loud Or else I did not release The quiet currents of abundance inside me They're coming now It's getting so hot in here Will you take off all your clothes Do you remember how it goes Oh I used to use my body As an implement of freedom I used to dance
2.
Modern Life 04:45
At night  Before sleep interferes I fall in a backward slide home  The smell of eau de cologne A drawer full of pillowcases Yellow-stained, edged in lace Difficult to open
 Modern life is to remember Following the arid stream And to forget again, again  Just before I fall, I lean  At night Amidst houses that hum I listen for a sound to make sure You are still alive because of others who have died
 A werewolf passing in the hall My mother's breasts each with a name And all the shards of coastal blue lodged within our lungs
 Modern life is to remember Following the arid stream And to forget again, again  Just before I fall, I lean  How do I wrestle through another night, how do I Why does he ask me to bury him twice When all the sisters of my mother rise, what if I Can’t tell them how much I love them Tell them how much I love them Modern life is to remember Following the arid stream And to forget again, again  Just before I fall, I lean 
3.
To Belong 03:42
Trying hard to give all Of my attention to you When I see succulent systems Someone else’s garden Trying hard to reply To the weather’s invitation In one place at one time To be here, to be here In one place at one time To belong Doggy walk, doggy style Let me leash you and unleash you Is it true that the mindless body Cannot separate itself from time I will stop, I will reconfigure This broken moment into a masterpiece In one place at one time To be here, to be here In one place at one time To belong You are my protector You are my home
4.
Exactly where I left it In this damp corner On this green earth An object of personal value Imagine a place Where nothing has changed Traversing the fence One fallow field to the next Take me there Private pleasure, uncanny sanctuary Home is home is home Private pleasure, uncanny sanctuary The fields are all sand I’m aging in reverse The river slick with oil My dirty face, my dirty hands If nothing can be changed An emptiness in me Each time we cross the desert And sun our skin beside the sea Take me there Private pleasure, uncanny sanctuary Home is home is home Private pleasure, uncanny sanctuary You told me to be patient I told you I cannot You told me life is long I told you I am measuring the time It will take to arrive
5.
Yesterday walking home From the cemetery Jobless with a pain in my back The sky opened wide and flat Impossible hues of blue and black I smelled the chlorinated fountain A smear of sunscreen On the skin of a woman Passing by Back to the sea My middle body The depth of dreams The jagged edge of memory Night-flowering jasmine buds Opening as the evening comes I took a picture for you Standing against a wall of stone This is the time when the seagulls shout Hungry like me and full of doubt I am an ancient creature Bones of a fish with mammal blood Back to the sea My middle body The depth of dreams The jagged edge of memory I want to be with you But I can only look at the moon In the sky that we share Pulling me back, pulling me
6.
She screamed when I shaved my legs You did it Despite our differences I loved her Hallucinations in the night We stood beside Ramses That tear in your hand Are you still playing the piano? Looking I’m looking for Juliet I haven’t found her yet Does she know I’m looking for her Juliet, I won’t forget you That summer at the swimming pool Bodies in the water, bodies in the water I wanted only to be with you Write me a letter, write me a letter Hallucinations in the night We stood beside Ramses That tear in your hand Are you still playing the piano? Looking I’m looking for Juliet I haven’t found her yet Does she know I’m looking for her Juliet, I won’t forget you Animals under your bed Do you still know all the words Their scraping and their scuffling Cannot be unheard Tried to make my hands obey Wild and unwilling When you loosened your grip I loosened mine Juliet, I won’t forget you
7.
You are a selfish man, a great man With a wife of so many years Can I last that long as a woman To be good, not great, not enough Somebody told me once that I am like a snake With a poisonous tongue and secret intentions We are entering the season of self-control Dress well for the weather and always stand together Good not great To be good, not great Is it enough, not always enough If I could take away my vision and my sex Become human being, nothing else Could I live like you or other than you To be good, not great, not enough Somebody asked me once, what is it that you do? Well I dance in the dark asking Medusa for direction We are entering the season of tragedies Beware of fatal flaws and do not pander to village applause Good not great To be good, not great Is it enough, not always enough Youssef fell in love with the whitest of his sheep The one he called his bride And then they killed his sister Militiamen of a different religion While her daughter hid in the basement She was the only one who survived Is she a good girl now, is she? Still cowering inside Good not great To be good, not great Is it enough, not always enough
8.
On the beach at night Write it down, you said Distance is real, distance is real When I left my country I hated myself Distance is real, distance is real I am happier now on the planet we share No more starving expanses Or starless somewheres From inside of the dome With my feet in the sand I can see you at home Watching television How incessant the ocean Assuages my unease Distance is real, distance is real I am farther from you Than I wanted to be Distance is real, distance is real Gravitational waves are a measure of how We are coming and going Hold on to me now From inside of the dome With my palms to the sky I am sinking so slowly It’s making me high I will always love you I will always love you Hold that tremolo So bombastic and true I will always love you I will always love you Oh, she sang it so fine Ever amaranthine

credits

released October 1, 2021

Written and produced by Zeina Nasr and Alex Vittum
Additional engineering by Marwan Tohme and Fadi Tabbal
Mixed by Isabel Gracefield
Mastered by Katie Tavini

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For Now London, UK

For Now is the experimental pop project of Zeina Nasr.

đź“· by Anna Maynard

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